Fritz Wetherbee: Luther Pomroy’s Hat

Fritz Wetherbee: Luther Pomroy’s Hat

Fritz Wetherbee: Luther Pomroy’s Hat



FRITZ: MY FRIEND BINKY SEARS WAS SHAKEN TO THE SOLES OF HIS FEET. HE JUST DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH AN INTERVENTION. HECK! YOU COULD NOT HOLD AN INTERVENTION THESE DAYS IF YOU WANTED TO, WHAT WITH THIS COVID-19 THING. BUT THIS WAS SERIOUS. “YOU HAD BETTER JUST CALL HIM UP AND ASK ABOUT IT,” FERN SAID TO BINKY, “I MEAN, YOU ARE HIS FRIEND, AND THAT IS WHAT FRIENDS DO.” “WHAT DO I SAY?” “YOU JUST CALL.” SO BINKY DIALED HIS FRIEND LUTHER POMEROY. “LUTHER, BINKY,” HE SAID. “WELL, LUTHER, I FOUND YOUR HAT OUT ON SLIMY SWAMP ROAD. YEAH. I WAS WALKING WITH FERN TODAY. WHAT HAT? WELL, YOUR NEW HAMPSHIRE FISHER CATS HAT. THE GRAY ONE. I PROBABLY DON’T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHY I PHONED YOU UP.” “WHAT?” “BECAUSE OF THE LINING OF THAT HAT, LUTHER. LUTHER, WHY HAVE YOUR HAT WITH TINFOIL? ALRIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALUMINUM FOIL. SAME THING. ARE YOU OK, LUTHER? NO, I AM NOT PRYING INTO YOUR BUSINESS, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT. AND YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LOST THE HAT OUT ON SLIMY ROAD, AND THAT WAS NOT ME. I FOUND THE DAMNED THING, AND I — WELL, I KNEW IT WAS YOUR HAT, BECAUSE YOU WROTE YOUR NAME IN IT, AND ALSO, WHO ELSE IN TOWN HAS A FISHER CATS HAT? LISTEN, LUTHER, HAVE YOU GONE ALL WOOJIE-WOOJIE ON ME? ARE YOU WARDING OFF MESSAGES FROM MARTIANS, SENDING OUT STUFF, DEATH RACE TO YOU? WHAT? OH, OH.. WELL, THANK YOU, LUTHER, GOODBYE.” “WHAT DID HE SAY?” SALLY IS LUTHER’S NIECE, AND SHE IS INTO ALL OF THIS CRAZY STUFF. “SALLY WAS AT LUTHER’S LAST WEEK,” BINKY SAID, “AND IT WAS SALLY WHO LINED WE HAD TO STOP THE GAMMA RAYS,” LUTHER SAID. HE DID NOT WANT TO START ANYTHING, SO HE WORE THE HAT, BUT HE

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Fritz Wetherbee: Luther Pomroy’s Hat

3/5/21

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